since the medium is the message, it is best to keep yours both rare and well done

if the recent onslaught of facebook movies are any indication, it appears that many of us fifty-somethings delved into social media in 2007.

which means that most of us have been practiced at the digital art of saying hello for some seven years now...and by "most of us", well....i mean me.

from facebook to linkedin, to the now, near barren forums of myspace and classmates, we learned that the "reach out and touch someone" approach to saying "hello, remember me" or "hey, let's be friends" was a pretty painless way to establish or re-establish a connection.

but this is my year of being a fingleton (newly single in a fifty-ish way), so move that same experience to a dating site?  suddenly a "hello" is replete with meaning that goes way beyond that of one delivered on facebook let's say.

because in this case, the medium is the message.

and that message is.."hey i'd like to date you".

which is the point after all.  but it is one that creates a dilemma of sorts when you come across someone you know on-line.  and that dilemma is that there is a bit of a thrill that happens when you recognize someone from your life here, someone you find attractive that is.

it feels like you already have lots in common...you know me, i know you and we both are on a dating site.

i mean really, what could go wrong with a simple hello?

now i've been on both sides of this equation and can honestly say that the women i knew who contacted me on a dating site were indeed just saying hello...usually to confirm that i was actually no longer with the spouse emeritus or to compare notes as goes the on-line dating thing.

i have been guilty though of sending off a hello to a woman or two that i knew from some time or place in my life.  and as much as i may have crafted my missive as a "hey...you're here too!, just wanted to say hi" kind of thing, if pressed i was probably (ok..definitely) testing the waters oh so passively with the real message of this medium, the aforementioned "hey, i'd like to date you".

and the result?

message read, message deleted, message unresponded to.

no confusion there.

some embarrassment though.

the lesson learned?

leave the past alone.

while i am not sure that approach is a universal golden rule as goes dating site n-etiquette, i personally will yield to resisting the urge to reach out to those i recognize in future.

which is not to say you should....i will just assume you are comparing notes.