A moving target: nailing one's on-line profile (version 23.0 and counting)

since jumping into the fray of okcupid, match and plenty of fish some six months ago i have revised, rewritten and then radically refashioned my profile intro numerous times.

i started off ever so carefully, explaining that i was very recently single after a long marriage, was unlikely to be a good fit for anyone looking for a long time partner, that i had traveled plenty enough thank you and that with a kid to get through university i was unlikely to be jetting off anywhere exotic anytime soon.

i also stated (diplomatically i thought in my then so naive mind) that i preferred thin/slim/athletic/fit women who lived in the city..downtown specifically and exclusively.

the result?

the sound of crickets for the most part.

deafening silence.

basically?

i blew it.

the few messages i sent went mostly unanswered.  the odd person would respond that i sounded angry or too lazy since i only wanted to date in my neighbourhood. most suggested that i was clearly not ready to date. none mentioned my honest approach as refreshing or admirable.

as a copywriter, i took these responses as i would objections from a client.  i had misunderstood the brief (at worst), my client had failed to see the innate power of an unfiltered pitch (at best) and that since the client is always right (even when wrong!) a rewrite was in order.

my intro went through several incarnations, each yielding slightly more positive reaction as i removed more of the limitations on my dating preferences.  finally i showed my profile to my ex and her sisters. 

my ex is a professional and wonderful writer.  as for my sisters in law?  they are veterans of on-line dating and have found what they sought; a relaxed, respectful companionship rather than full-time partners. an end result that i thought sounded just about right for me.

their feedback yielded the new/improved profile intro below (in italics)

Recently underwent the excruciating yet well meaning experience of having my ex-wife and her sisters vet my profile. Their conclusion?

"Lower your age, say that you love to travel and make it sound more like you are looking for a life-partner...you'll get more dates that way"

Opted not to take their counsel as went that advice but did edit out a sentence or two about the general physical types that attract me. "Those make you sound like a jerk" said they.

"Hmm...but what about all the profiles that mention tall men only etc, etc"

"That's pre-qualifying"

"But when a man does the same?"

"He's a jerk."

These being very smart women....the discussion stopped there, the point ceded and heeded.

well..what a difference that edit made.  the number of responses to the still paltry smattering of "hello's" i sent did increase.

the big change though was that the new version attracted a flood of messages from women who stumbled across my profile.

which would be a good thing except that they are almost to a person not even close to the set of parameters i excised from those earlier drafts as to what attracts me in a woman.

it's a conundrum...and one that raises a million uncomfortable considerations..mostly about my own self image and the growing suspicion that it may be a tad rose-coloured.

yipes.