Yours. Mine. Ours?

So here's the thing.

I love being a Dad and have done every step of the way from that first trip home together as a family with newborn in tow, to waving the kiddo off as she walked into her university residence sans parents.

If there is one thing the spouse emeritus and I can point to as a wholly, successful consequence of our having been together, it is indeed the wonderful young lady we brought into this world and the pleasure and pride she has provided us along the way.

That said, biologically speaking?   I can't see being a father to anyone but said daughter.

And how this will impact my future and mostly hypothetical dating life is yet to be determined, but it is something I think about.

Mostly because it is as much a qualifier in date-worthiness for me as whether someone sounds interesting or appears attractive.  And I am quite sure that it is the same on the other side of the gender divide for women still considering or actively desirous of having a child.

After all, when the spouse emeritus and I first met, I am convinced that a good deal of my suitability as a potential partner in her eyes was my nodding in agreement with her "I want to have a child in the next 18 months..how does that sound to you?" mission statement.

It was clearly a "do not pass go question" and I embraced that brave nod knowing full well that the path to fatherhood was officially underway.

But now?  I must admit to scanning down towards the "wants kids" yes/no question line in prospective dates' profiles almost as quickly as I pause at other basic descriptors.   And unless I see a "had kids, doesn't want more" or "does not want kids" choice in place, I do not invest any more thought to the "should I or shouldn't I" brave a message conundrum.

Aha, you say.  Silly old fart is yet another of those middle age men planning on dating younger.   I can assure you this is not the case.

But I understand the assumption. 

I had thought that the age skew of women I generally regarded as appropriately well seasoned in the dating sense would preclude the child question as coming up as an issue.  And yet, in my observation, a surprising number of yet to parent, well into their 40's potentials do list their child wanting status as definitely, probably or undecided.

To which I say...wow, they must already be well into the adoption process or have incredible health plans as fertility treatment goes.  And then I say...move along...not for you.

And yes I get that people date knowing that not all relationships will graduate to "serious" and the need to align intentions as go parenting desires.

But the idea of wasting someone's time whether they see themselves as a future parent soon or might later just doesn't seem fair.

Having hit the half century mark, I am all too aware that time speeds up as we age and that decisions and desires change.  And as having a child goes? Time left really does begin to matter.

Which I suppose is part of my opting out of the game as goes having another child.

Part of that decision is economic.  Getting my daughter through what looks to be a long spell in the halls of academia by contributing equally to that endeavour pretty much puts paid to the idea of being part of a new family.

Equally strong though is the sense of fatigue that picturing myself doing the kid years again conjures. Parenting was exhausting enough with a running start in my mid thirties so I will reserve my future pram pushing and diaper changing to that required when grandchildren come along.

Which does not mean, daughter of mine, that I am in any hurry to do same.

Rest assured though my love (should you be reading this and if you are..get back to your books!), I will be at your beck and call when the time comes.