Not so much beaten...as thoroughly smoked.

"So", said the spouse emeritus as she waited for me to put a plate of pasta together for her, "I've been dating..how about you?"

This was the first time we had addressed the topic of dating since going our separate ways...not that it was a new one for us.  It was indeed a subject that came up from time to time during the last year we spent together when for all intent and purpose we were "living apart together".

Not in a particular hurry to make things more complicated than they already were, I'd opted for our not dating other people, at least not openly, until we were on our separate paths full stop.  The spouse emeritus was less dogmatic on the idea so it really was no surprise that she had dived into the dating pool shortly after going our own ways.

"Dating?", I said "Well, not really...been on a few coffee dates with women I met on-line but other than that, no".

"Well, I have...do you want to hear about it?"

"Not so much, unless you are into something serious, you know if this is someone you think might be around for awhile, someone you might introduce to our daughter that is".

"OK then, no names or anything..but I need to ask you something."

"Which is?"

"Apparently I come across as kind of bossy."

"Bossy?", I said.

"Yes..bossy..   I'm not that bossy am I"?

"You're actually quite bossy", I answered.

The spouse emeritus was a bit taken aback.  I could see that was not the answer she was looking for.

"The thing is", I said, "that's just you...it never really bothered me, I suppose I was used to it, and frankly anyone who really has a problem with that...isn't really a good fit for you."

"How is that?"

"Well, it's not like you're going to change much at this point, it's just part of you and you're pretty great, so don't sweat it....and whatever you do, don't compare how we put up with each others idiosyncrasies with how new people experience them.  We had 23 years to build up immunities."

"That's a good point..because you know...you have a lot"

"I know".

"No really...a lot"

"This is not news."

"I mean come to think of it..you're kind of a walking encyclopedia of unique behaviours",

Dinner finished pleasantly and having hit our 4-5 hours of tolerance for each other before said idiosyncrasies kicked in from both sides of the table, we said goodnight.

Now I had wondered how that first conversation would go when one or the other of us had moved past the world of 'us' into the fingleton dating pool and to be honest...it felt fine.  A huge part of our decision to split had been based on seeing twenty to thirty years ahead of us and both wanting a future that represented more than just playing out the side.  I found myself quite happy for the former Mrs and more than a little proud of her for bravely moving forward.

But there was something else that niggled.

I was comfortable with her hitting the dating scene before me.  It really felt no stranger than our daughter's first forays into that same world of exploring the mysterious world of romance.

Something was feeling strange though.....and then I saw it.

I was hit by the sudden realization that not only had the spouse emeritus begun dating before I did, but so had my Mom.

Mom had found herself in that boat, following my father's passing after a very long illness, when an old family friend (widowed some years before) rather determinedly and unexpectedly set his sights upon her.  And even more suprising to her, she was ready for companionship not that long after she had swore she had no interest in anything like that.

And I was very happy for her and comfortable with the turn her life had taken.

But the sudden notion that I was still content on the sidelines while both ex and my septuagenarian mater were out there well ahead of me having their second chapter moments?

That was a sobering thought.  And I have a feeling that something is going to have to change..maybe even my heretofore sacred idiosyncrasies.

This is about to get real.